Breaking Things
by find-nowhere
Summary: Prom. I wrote this in high school. It's about high school. It's filled with feelings. f/f
1. Chapter 1

_**Warning:** The following is blatant female gayness, and some insinuated male gayness. It is rather non-explicit, but...if you have a problem with it DO NOT read it if it will offend you, make you vomit all over yourself, etc. If you choose to read it, seeing as you have been fairly warned (twice), then do not comment and say stupid things. By stupid I mean, "OMG!!11! Gross! Take this down you sick bitch! Go to Hell! Blaaaah!" or anything along those lines. Because if you do that, you will only look very retarded seeing as I did not force you to read it, and you were warned. Turn back now, and do not read further.  
  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own Even Stevens or any of these people...don't claim them...making no money...etc. (but we all know what I would do with Tawny if I did own her)  
  
**Michelle-Note:** (sorry) I tried to write this in the present tense...it is my goal to write something in the present tense. Don't ask. So...the tense kinda shifts cus it's hard...seriously. You try it. hug Also...tis set in the future, and Tawny's POV...in case you don't notice._  
  
Breaking Things  
  
Entering the "grand" ballroom, I scanned all the people. I sighed when my eyes wandered to an unlit corner and saw two familiar people making out. A boy with curly brown hair followed me in, but he didn't dare touch me. We had gotten in a fight on the way. I grabbed his hand and went in the opposite direction of the all-too-familiar couple, immediately. We moved through the nicely dressed people and toward the refreshment table  
"Tawny! Louis! Over here!"  
I stopped and turned. A group of people was standing in a circle by the wall. "Hey." I said rather unenthusiastically, still dragging my "date" with me. "I'm late."  
"We noticed. We were just about to think you weren't coming." A blonde-haired boy said.  
"I paid for my ticket, of course, I'd come...just not on time." I stated. "There was a disagreement on the way here."  
"This is prom. Be happy." Another guy next to the blonde encouraged. He had poofy light brown hair.  
I glared, "Shut up before you hurt me with your happiness, Tom."  
"Jease Tawny, I guess you saw Jason and Ren in their corner. They've been there for like an hour."  
I punched the blonde guy in the arm, "Well, thanks Twitty, that makes me wanna just jump up and down with joy."  
Louis pulled his hand away from mine, "I can't fucking believe you."  
I shook my head, "I can't believe it took you this long to figure it out, and now the only person that doesn't know is the only person that should."  
"Man. Fuck you."  
I sneered.  
"Holy shit, you guys." Tom muttered. "Don't cause a raucous."  
"Oh shut up. I shouldn't have come to this damn school sanctioned piece of crap dance in the first place."  
"Go the hell away from me!" Louis yelled.  
"Dammit! Louis, calm down! Tawny, chill out!" Twitty said, getting between me and the guy I had come here with.  
"Don't touch me, dude!" Louis shoved Twitty away.  
He threw his hands in the air, "I wasn't touching you!"  
"You fucking knew, and didn't tell me!"  
"It's not like you two were going out, man! You broke up months ago!"  
"When she asked me to prom I thought there was some kinda hope!"  
"Dammit Louis!" I screamed, "I asked you to go with me as friends! Friends, Louis! How does that give you hope?!"  
He didn't respond, and everyone else got quiet as well. I took the opportunity to wander off to the bathroom to cry in a stall because I was such vile, worthless, stupid shit. I did just that. I used Louis, and I used him for a long time. I used him to spend time with his sister. I realized it was wrong, and that I was using him for something completely pointless, for I have no chance in hell, and I broke up with him. I stayed friends with him though for sake of remaining in his sister's good graces, and because she was the last person in the world that I wanted to hate me. He comes onto me on the way here in the limo, and then I try to explain. I'm stupid.  
I wiped my eyes, came out of the stall, and stood in front of the mirror and adjusted the sleek, black dress I was wearing. It was long and drug on the floor, but it was tight and showcased my form. It had sleeves that more or less draped my shoulders, and they were of sparkling black fishnet material, then they belled at the bottom and covered my hands. It looked like something Stevie Nicks would wear. My hair was pulled back and up with little loose ringlets coming down. I sniffled, and sat my purse by a sink, and started to reapply my eyeliner. I couldn't blame Louis for being mad. I was such a jackass. With my luck he'd run and tell his sister, then she'd hate me.  
It had always been her that intrigued me far more than Louis did. Louis was funny at times, I'd give him that, but he lacked the strange drive that his sister had. He had drive, he wanted people to notice him so he did stupid things. He was jealous of his sister, and it was all he could do to step out of her shadow, while Ren, she was always trying to be the best in order to get the attention that she desired, but I didn't know why she desired such attention. I was the girl that wrote weird poetry, dressed in black, was into drama, and for the most part stayed back while everyone else sought their approval and attention. I watched, you learn more from watching anyway, but Ren, she baffled me. She was perfect, and good at everything she involved herself in. She had found her perfect boyfriend, and they seemed to have the perfect relationship. She was happy, or so she always seemed, but something was off. I just hadn't found it yet, her flaw. I wanted to know what it was more than anything. Not to use it against her or anything, but just to know, to know Ren Stevens.  
I saw the door open in the reflection of the mirror, and someone clomped in unsteadily. I observed. It was Ren. My hand went limp for some reason, and I dropped my eyeliner into the sink, I quickly retrieved it and put it back in my purse. I turned around, and leaned against the counter, "Hi."  
She looked toward me, "My feet are killing me." She hopped up onto the counter and sat on it, then took her shoes off and sat them next to her, "Having fun?"  
"I'm Tawny. Do you think I'm having fun?"  
She smiled, "You could have fun if you'd let yourself."  
I walked over to her and sat next to her on the other side of the sink she was next to, "These things, they're torture for the people that are here alone, or the people that are here with other people but they like other people that are here that aren't with them. It's cruel, I'm telling you it is. Just think about it. I think things of this such should be illegal."  
"People shouldn't come to such things alone, or knowing that the person they like is going to be here with someone else. It's just them asking to be hurt, really."  
"Bah. What if they come with the hope that they'll get a chance to dance with that special person?"  
"Then they're risking getting hurt because if there's a chance of that person dancing with them, there's also a chance that the person won't dance with them, which is more likely if that other person came with someone else."  
I tapped on the marble, nervously, trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going, "What made you so bitter?"  
She raised an eyebrow at me, "I'm not bitter, I'm logical. I mean, I feel bad for the people like you're talking about and all, but it's their own fault if they come."  
"Yeah, I guess you're right." I gave in, "So...what brings you to the bathroom?"  
"I wanted to get away from all the people for a minute, and rest my feet. How about you? You in here avoiding social interaction?"  
"Yeah, basically."  
"Tawny, why don't you go out there, and dance with Louis, or Twitty, or Tom or...somebody. You can't just sit here in the bathroom for five hours."  
"I bet I can."  
"C'mon, you're dress is pretty, and your hair kicks ass. Go out and show it off, find somebody to dance with." She smiled.  
I smiled a little, and tilted my head, taking a moment to notice what she was wearing. She was in light purple, a typical prom dress. It was long, and elegant with noodle straps that criss-crossed across her back. She had a nice tan, and the color made it stand out a little more. Her hair was up in a very complicated twisted braid thing that looked like it took hours. "How're you and Jason doing?"  
She shrugged, "We're fine. As always."  
I couldn't help but notice a little resent in her voice, "It's amazing how long you two have been together, and with no problems or anything. I mean like...you met him on an island and he's older than you, and yeah."  
She smiled again and sighed, "He's perfect. He moved here for me and everything, ya know."  
I nodded, "Isn't perfect boring though?"  
"Oh, he's not completely perfect. No one's perfect. When I met him, he lied to me about everything and didn't even tell me his real name and all. You remember that."  
No one's perfect. No one. Not even Ren. "Yeah. I saved you from complete humiliation."  
She laughed slightly now, "Nah, you didn't. You saved my brother from a severe beating."  
"How do you know I didn't go there to save you?" I said in a way to make her think that I was joking around, but mess with her head a little. I eyed her carefully to get her reaction.  
She just giggled, "Uh huh. Right."  
Always clueless, and oblivious to the obvious. So happy, yet so wishful for something she couldn't attain, couldn't have, some little something, but what? Could she just not be completely satisfied until she was the greatest at everything, and had everything? Perhaps that was her flaw, selfishness. It couldn't be, she was far too nice for that. "Yeah, why would I want to save you, you over-achieving, social, bum?"  
"Speaking of social, get yourself out there, and be social. If for just one night." She slipped her shoes back on, and hopped down from the counter.  
I did the same, "Hey Ren, your straps are twisted."  
"Fix them for me, if you would." She said and put herself in front of me.  
As I untwisted the straps on her back, careful not to touch her skin that I knew would be far too soft for me to resist touching more, she straightened out her dress in the front. "Okay. All better. Now remind me why I'm going out there to interact with humans?"  
"Because you have to listen to me because you saved me from humiliation on national TV."  
"Shouldn't that be the other way around...like...you owe me something because I saved you?"  
"Yeah, and I'm trying to make you social, it'll do you good." She paused, "Is there anything on my butt? I've been sitting on that counter and all. I didn't bother to look at it before I got up there because my feet hurt so bad."  
Why was she asking me to look at her butt? Had she lost her mind? Of course not, she just had no clue of anything right in front of her. I would glance at it often without her knowing, and I glanced at it once more, "Not a thing. Your butt is good."  
"Yeah, I know it is." She looked over her shoulder and smiled, "Thanks, Tawny I'll pay you back one day for saving me, untwisting my straps, and looking at my butt, but first, do me a favor and go out there and have fun."  
I smiled, "Fine." I couldn't not listen to her, and she had given me permission to look at her butt. I considered that enough to get me to go out amongst a bunch of people and be social or something close to social at least. It's not like she'd pay enough attention to me once she was reunited with Jason to know that I wasn't being social. 


	2. Chapter 2

I followed Ren down the hall and back into the room where people were now sitting at tables and waiting for food. We went our separate ways when I found Louis, Twitty, Tom, and Allison. I went and sat by Allison on the opposite side of the table as Louis.  
"Tawny?" He said, unsurely.  
"Louis, I'm sorry about everything, really."  
He shook his head, "No, I'm sorry. I seriously should have listened. I just...I dunno."  
"Yes, peace again." Twitty sighed, relieved, and put his arm around Allison.  
Silence followed and I took the moment to observe my surroundings. I found Ren at a table across the room with Jason, Ruby, Monique, Larry, and Bobby. My thoughts came back to my table, and I looked at everyone, one at a time. Tom had taken his jacket off, and it rested over the back of the chair between me and him. He had also tucked a napkin in the collar of his shirt. He was dateless, but was happy. He was always pretty happy, or at least content and accepting of what he had, unlike Ren. Louis was next to him, and he was pondering something. Probably some scheme to get food or something on his sister's dress. Twitty was paying close attention to Allison, poking her nose and stuff. They were all into the cuteness and sappy stuff, that Louis and I were never much for, at least I wasn't, for obvious reasons.  
I looked back at Ren, and a couple people were standing around and blocking my view. I wished they would sit down, and I took a sip of my tea non-suspiciously. I added a few more packets of sugar to it because it was the nastiest tea I'd ever drank in my life. The others at my table with tea soon noticed it too, and began dumping in the sugar.  
"You look nice Tawny." Tom said, trying to start conversation.  
"Thanks. You look nice too."  
"Later, would you consider dancing with me...just one dance?"  
That wasn't predicted, I look at him oddly, then looked at Louis.  
"Dance with him if you want." He shrugged, "But dance with me once too for old time's sake, how about that?"  
"Sure. I'll dance with everyone. Ren told me to be social."  
"And you gotta listen to her, don't you, even if you can never have her?" He said to me curiously, "Don't you wanna do something mean to her like a harmless little prank or something?"  
I shook my head, "No, Louis, I actually don't. I want her to be happy, and I don't hate her just because I have no chance with her."  
"I don't hate her. I just want to ruin her and make her have just one good moment of imperfection."  
"Ruining her dress or her hair or a speech or something of hers won't make her be not perfect. She'll still be perfect, but something of hers won't be."  
"Still it's fun to make her mad, and somewhere, deep down inside you, you wanna make her mad, and you know it."  
"Nope. I don't." I told him again. Then looked to Twitty to change the subject, "I'll dance with you too if you want, and Allison."  
He laughed, "It's fine with me if it is with Allison. We can all dance together in a big group."  
"It's fine, Allan." She giggled, and cuddled up next to him, cutely.  
I smiled at them, the happy couple that they were. Maybe Louis just wanted me because his best friend had left him for a girl, again. He was trying to replace Twitty with me; he'd tried to do it before. That was probably what it was, and he realized it, then apologized. I personally thought he and Tom should hook up. I always thought that Tom had a man crush on him, and Louis was kinda weird. I think he somewhat liked Twitty. I think that Twitty and Allison were the only normal ones among us, and by normal, I mean completely opposite sex oriented, if that is even normal.  
The food was delivered to us, and we all nibbled and proceeded to engage in small talk. I didn't pay much mind to it, I watched Ren as she and Jason fed each other, and she smiled and showed him off to other people. Some people at the table behind us were obviously watching them too, and they began to gossip and I listened intently, blocking out the chatter at my own table.  
"Ren and that guy she's been dating since like forever, haven't even slept together yet, did you know that?" One girl said.  
"No joke? Ren's still a virgin?" A second girl asked, shocked. "I was sure she had slept with him. He's so hot and he's an actor and all. I would've slept with him after like a week if I were going out with him."  
"I'm so not joking." The first girl continued, "I couldn't believe it, but she was talking about it in class the other day. She's such a goody- goody still. She needs to grow up."  
"Yeah...they've been together for almost four years...that's a long time for someone to not sleep with someone that hot."  
"God yeah...he must have someone on the side. I don't see how he can go out with her and do her will all the time and not want anything for it."  
"I bet he wants something for it and she just won't give it because it's so morally wrong." The second girl said with a lot of sarcasm in her voice.  
Stupid sluts. I thought to myself. Ragging on a girl just because she was a virgin. Hell, I was a virgin, technically.  
The first girl rambled on, "This is her senior year, ya know, and like she's still a virgin. The years almost over, she'd have to lose it pretty soon to say she lost in while still in high school."  
"How much do you wanna bet that she'll lose it before they year's over?"  
This was revolting. I leaned toward Louis and whispered, "Do you hear what they're saying about your sister?"  
"Yeah."  
"Doesn't it make you mad?"  
"No, not really."  
"How can it not, have you no feelings whatsoever?" I hissed.  
"Look, I'm tired of my sister being perfect. I've always been tired of her being perfect, and now, she's so perfect that the girl I've liked for like...even wants her and not me."  
I sighed, "Louis, I'm sorry. I just...I can't explain it right now..."  
"Tawny, it hurts, alright. I knew we were over a long time ago, I did, but I never thought that you could like my sister like that. It's not like she's given you any signs that she likes you back of makes you feel like it could work out like you did me."  
I slumped down in my chair and leaned back, "Louis, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done to you what I did, but..."  
"But what? You used me to get to my sister and you didn't even get to her."  
"Guys, stoppit." Twitty said.  
"Yeah, you need to stop." Tom reinforced, and shook his fork at us.  
I took a deep breath, "Louis, if you knew we were over a long time ago, then why are so mad that I like your sister?"  
"Because I am, alright?" He crossed his arms and stared at his plate of food.  
"You two both need to release your tension, and be calm." Tom said, knowingly.  
I looked at him oddly again.  
"The tension here is going to spread to everyone else and cause chaos." He nodded, "The martial arts taught me that."  
"Uh huh Tom, yeah." Louis snapped.  
Tom took it as a signal to be quiet, and began to fork his food around on his plate. It amused me to see how well he listened to Louis and did everything to please him, which added to my suspicions that he had a thing for Louis.  
After a moment of silence, the small talk began again, and someone came and took our plates away shortly after that. The dancing would begin soon, and I dreaded the thought, but never let it show. I would continue my people watching for a while, and then be social whenever I imagined Ren would be looking. 


	3. Chapter 3

I continued sitting at the table with Tom and Louis while Twitty and Allison got up to dance to some rap music. I wasn't much into the rap stuff, but I figured I could dance to it if I tried. All I'd have to do is rub my butt up on somebody or grind into them, or do both while sandwiched between them, and do it to some kind of rhythm. I was good with picking up rhythms. I just sat there through a few songs, as Louis and Tom talked, and I looked for Ren among the people.  
She was there, on the dance floor with Jason, grinding on him provocatively. Damn, I loved how she moved. I hoped I wasn't drooling as I watched her, but I couldn't stop watching her in order to check to see if I was. She looked like she was having so much fun. I wished I could be out there with her, and I wished it was me there holding her waist with her pushing up against me. Not only was I intrigued by her perfection and seemingly perpetual happiness, I was very interested in her body as well. She was so pretty, especially tonight.  
"Stop staring at my sister." Louis said and glared at me. "I'm trying to think of a way to make her spill something on herself, and you're distracting me."  
I groaned, and didn't deny that I was looking at her. I got up and stretched, "Tom, let's go dance. I need to practice with someone."  
"For what?" Louis asked, as Tom and I walked past him, "Ren's never gonna dance with you."  
I turned back, "If you say another thing like that I'm going to regret ever liking you at all."  
"Tawny, I'm sorry." He apologized immediately, "It's just that she's my sister, and well...it makes me feel pretty bad...I would feel bad if it were anyone, but it being my sister makes it worse..."  
"Louis, I feel bad for what I've done to you all this time, and I'm sorry. I can't help it."  
He shooed me away with his hand, "Just go. Go and dance with Tom."  
Tom grabbed my wrist and pulled me out to the edge of the dance floor, where he proceeded to wave his arms in the air, far from being with the music. He looked sort of like a squid or something. I couldn't help but laugh at him, and stand there while he danced around me. People looked at us, and I continued to laugh, while Tom seemed to not notice.  
After the song was over, I stopped him from moving and said, "Tom, it's been fun, but I'm not dancing with you again...or...standing while you dance around me. I felt like the hat in a Mexican Hat dance to rap music."  
He shrugged, and didn't seem hurt, "That's alright. I just wanted to see if I could dance."  
"You can't." I smiled.  
"I know this now, and I am happy." He went and sat back down, beginning to commune with Louis again, as I suspected he would.  
I too went and sat back in my seat, where I sipped my tea, which was mostly water now because my ice had melted. It tasted better now than it did before.  
"I wish Beans were here..." Louis sighed.  
We sat through a few more songs, and about an hour had passed. Ren was still dancing as hard as she could with Jason, and Louis and Tom were discussing ways to set up a catapult with napkins and candles, which made no sense to me. I was getting bored, and tired of watching Ren, so I scanned the people for Twitty and Allison instead. I found them jumping up on each other, and lost interest in them quickly.  
"Louis, let's go dance." I said, suddenly.  
"I wanted to dance to a slow song...if they ever play one."  
"I don't wanna dance to a slow song with you, so come dance now, and find someone else to dance to a slow song with. I bet there's someone here that'll dance with you."  
"Fine." He said and got up.  
He was much better than Tom, but my eyes kept wandering from him to Ren, who had neared us. Sweat made her face and shoulders shinier under the dim lights. She was tiring. I looked on as she said something to Jason that I couldn't hear because of the music, then she pulled him to a table with her and they sat down to rest, I assumed. I continued to dance with Louis through a few more songs, glancing at Ren to see if she was ever looking at me. She wasn't, at least not when I looked at her. She wasn't far from us, she was at a table where she could see me if she looked straight in front of her. Whenever I looked, she was doing something with Jason, from straightening his collar of his shirt to cuddling with him.  
When Louis and I sat back down, the DJ actually played some techno music, and I got up to go and dance alone. I figured I'd show off a little, and I thought that Ren might see me and see that I was being social. Damn, what I would've done for some glow sticks. People actually stopped dancing themselves to watch me. I figured that I looked stupid or that I was doing good. Dancing in this fashion was hard to do in formalwear. I was too absorbed in my dancing to stop though, formalwear or no formalwear.  
The song faded out and ended, then I sat on the floor to breathe some. People clapped and cheered. I nodded to acknowledge their existence. The DJ announced to give a round of applause to me before playing another song, and the people clapped more. A rap song played soon after, and everyone began dancing again, I got up for fear of being stomped on, and Twitty greeted me back at our table. We high fived, but he was rigorously drinking from a cup and only mumbled.  
I laughed, and grabbed up my cup that still had a little melted ice in it. I drank it, then Louis grinned at me. I raised en eyebrow, and sat my empty cup down.  
"You kick ass, Tawny, and even if you don't like me cus you're in love with my sister, you still kick ass."  
"Thanks." I bent down and hugged him.  
As I let go he said, "By the way, my sis was watching you dance, very closely."  
"Don't go around filling me with false hope." I said, and smiled. I hated false hope, but it happened once in a while. "I'm glad you're not all mad at me still."  
"I'm still mad." He said and turned away from me.  
I looked at Twitty, and he shrugged, then put his arm around Allison, whispering things in her ear that I didn't particularly want to know about. Tom had wandered off somewhere, and I now took it upon myself to hunt for Ren, but to no avail this time. She wasn't at the table she was at, and I couldn't find her dancing. I couldn't find Jason either, but I didn't really care about him, other than I thought she might be nearby. I sat down by Louis, and elbowed him, "Do you know what time it is?"  
He pulled up his sleeve and looked at his watch, "It's almost 10. I have only two hours remaining to come up with a plan."  
"Thanks." The time had gone by really fast. The King and Queen were supposed to be announced at 10. I knew that Ren was a nominee, and that Jason wasn't because he didn't even go to our school. I couldn't rightly remember who else was nominated, and I figured I should run to the bathroom before they said who won. I had drank a lot after all. "Louis, watch my purse." I dropped the little black bag in front of him, and went down the hall to the bathroom. 


	4. Chapter 4

I pulled open the big wooden door and walked into the now crowded bathroom. This time there were other girls surrounding the counter redoing their makeup because it had come off when they were dancing or their boyfriends had licked it off. At that time I realized that there should be a separate place to actually use the bathroom and to stare at yourself in the mirror. I didn't much care for using the bathroom with thirty girls around. The thought was just odd to me, maybe, or maybe I just disliked most people.  
Closing myself in the stall, I looked down at my feet, I'd taken my shoes off to dance, and failed to put them back on. No one could see my feet though because my dress was so long. After doing my business I tried to turn around and make sure that I was still presentable. I'd hate to have my dress stuck in the back of my underwear or something like that. My legs were real white, and I didn't want to blind anyone.  
Being as I was, always amused by what other people discussed when they thought no one was listening, I stood there for a little while quietly, as it was my thing to do. I probably knew more about more people than anyone else did just because I listened and watched everyone, as opposed to asking so many questions. I was the last person anyone suspected of being nosy if that was even what I was. I didn't really care about what went on in other peoples' little lives, but it interested me just to know. I liked to feel like I knew more than everyone else, that's all.  
"I bet Ren Stevens is Prom Queen." Someone said to someone else.  
"Did you vote for her?"  
"Yeah...I did. She's a nice person, and I'd rather have her Queen than some other prep."  
"I didn't vote for her. It'll be another notch added to her belt off accomplishments to shove in everyone's face."  
"It's not like she brags about anything all that much." The first girl said, somewhat defensively.  
"Yeah, but everyone knows that she wins everything, and gets awards constantly, whether or not she talks about it. It gets announced and that's all she needs. She doesn't need to brag about it, the principal does it for her, just like in middle school."  
"Jease...she can't help it she's perfect."  
"Ha. She's not perfect."  
"Sure she is, just deal with it. You're jealous because you can't be like her."  
"For one, Louis Stevens is her brother, and she flaunts that boyfriend she has. She picked him up from that reality show she was on, that just added to her popularity."  
"Seriously, you sound jealous."  
A thought came to me, and I thought that maybe I knew why she was bent on being the best at everything. It wasn't because of Louis, it was because of something else, that imperfection, she was covering it up, trying to distract people from it. She covered it in confidence, achievements, and happiness. I unlocked my stall door, and as I came out I purposely slammed it into the wall, making the girls that were talking jump. I glared at them in the mirror. I don't know if they saw me, but I could be pretty scary.  
I walked out of the bathroom, and returned to the ballroom, or whatever it was, sat down with Louis again, and put my shoes back on. "Did they announce the King and Queen yet?"  
"Nope." His eyes lit up. "I have my plan! Where's Tom?!"  
I shrugged, "Haven't seen him in a while. What about Twitty?" I asked, and found him with Allison, standing with some of her friends, and nodded toward him, "He's right over there."  
"Heck with Twitty. He has Allison, and has no time for me anymore." There was a little resent in his voice now.  
"Alright. Forget I said it. What're you gonna do to her?"  
"Nothing too bad, I promise. I don't have the proper equipment that I'll be sure to have prepared at her graduation."  
I sighed, his plan would probably fail horribly and get him kicked out, along with poor Tom who would go along with whatever it was. I surveyed the area as he got up and left me sitting there alone. I grabbed my purse and started pinching it nervously, then rubbing the material together to make a scratching noise. I couldn't find Ren, still, or Jason, and it bothered me. I don't know why other than I didn't like to picture her having sex, and I was getting vivid mental pictures of the doing it in the back of a car in the parking lot.  
The DJ came over the speakers, and said, "Hey everybody, it's time to announce this year's Prom Court, so stop moving around and listen to me for a minute." I pinched my bag more. "To start with, let's tell you the Prince and Princess."  
"Spit it out already!" Some guy shouted, and people laughed. I just thought he was stupid.  
"Allan Twitty...and...Tawny Dean."  
"What the hell?" I said, half to myself. I wasn't supposed to be Prom Princess or what the hell ever. I looked at Twitty, he was jumping up and down, and motioning for me to come to him because we had to dance for this slow song coming up.  
"Come on up here." The DJ said, and I progressed to Twitty, and he put his arm around me. "Oh look, it's the lovely lady that danced so well tonight. Now she'll get her chance to slow dance."  
I winced, the DJ was a fruit, and not a good one. He was a bad fruit, like an avocado or something. At least it was Twitty instead of some stranger or something. I hugged him, and whispered between my teeth, "How the hell did this happen? I'm not supposed the Prom Princess."  
"I dunno, dude, but I'm feeling pretty sexy right now."  
"And now for what you've all been waiting for..." The DJ drug out his syllables, trying to build up anticipation or something stupid like that. "Your Prom King and Queen of this years prom are Larry Beale...and...Ren Stevens!"  
Where was Ren? I found Larry, he came up and stood by us, and greeted us nicely, but there was no Ren. I wondered if Louis had something to do with slowing her down, and if this was his plan.  
"Hey...you two..." Larry whispered, "Where's Ren?"  
"Dunno." Said Twitty, still grinning, and waving at Allison.  
"I dunno either." I told him.  
"She's gonna forfeit if she doesn't show up real fast."  
"Does that bother you?" I asked curiously.  
He blinked, "It actually does. I'd rather dance with her than dance with anyone else that's been nominated for this thing."  
"Alright, where's Ren?" The DJ teased, "If she's not here by the time I count to ten then her crown goes to the next runner up."  
"Twitty..." I elbowed him a little to draw his attention away from Allison, who was standing in the front of the crowd that had gathered. "I'm worried about Ren."  
"C'mon, don't worry about her, she can handle herself." His attention went straight back to Allison, "Dance with Louis if you can find him, sweetie."  
"Six...seven...eight..." Counted the obnoxious DJ.  
I looked over the people and toward the big double doors that were open.  
"Wait! I'm here!" Ren yelled, and ran in, holding her dress up, so she wouldn't trip, moving quickly to where we were.  
"There she is!" The DJ said excitedly.  
I could see that her hair was a little messed up as the people made a path for her to walk through for her to get to the front. Pieces of her hair were hanging down that weren't supposed to be hanging down, it was probably from running from wherever she was. As she got closer I could see that her makeup was looking rather poor as well, and that her eyes were slightly red and bloodshot, as if she'd been crying. I would have given anything right then to just hug her and tell her that everything was okay, but I couldn't. There was a small plastic crown being stuck on my head.  
"Give a round of applause for your Prom Court!"  
People clapped, and I looked at everyone. Allison had found Louis, and Ren was holding onto Larry rather tightly, making me wish I were him. Louis' plan had either not worked, or he hadn't done it yet, but if it had been executed already then he didn't get caught since he was still here and all.  
The song began to play and Twitty kept looking at Allison and Louis, so I took it upon myself to look at Ren. Her head was resting on Larry's shoulder, and her eyes were closed. He rubbed her back, kindly. My attention then turned to find Jason to see how he was reacting to this, but he was nowhere in sight, at least not my sight. I even had my shoes on and still wasn't tall enough to see very well from my position surrounded by people.  
The song ended and Twitty went back to Allison, and left me standing there as another slow song started to play. I lost Ren during Twitty's abandoning of me, but I found Louis, and grabbed onto his sleeve, taking my crown off with my other hand, "Was your plan to make Ren late and almost lose her Queenship or whatever you call it?"  
"No. She was late on her own. I was about to go and reunite with Tom to execute my plan." He started to pull away from me.  
"Wait. Do you know why she was late?"  
"Nope. She's my sister. I know nothing about her."  
I let go of his sleeve, and he went in search of Tom. I sat back down at what we claimed as our table. I was quite alone now, and I was the odd person. I slipped my shoes off again and began to mess with my purse. Something was off, other than Louis' scheming because that was normal. I looked around for Ren once more and found nothing. Following Louis would probably lead me to her because he was looking for her too. He was easy to spot. He had found Tom, and they were both scanning the room as I did, but they did it much more obviously and it was apparent what they were doing.  
Putting my shoes back on quickly, I watched them, and then they started to move, and I got up and followed. They went to the refreshment table, and Tom got a drink, while I stood against the back wall in the shadows. They passed back by me and I followed at a distance. Louis pointed, and I followed his finger to a table off in a back corner.  
Ren was sitting with Ruby, Monique, Bobby, and Larry, no sign of Jason. I couldn't tell what was going on, but Louis and his sidekick were moving in swiftly. He probably planned for Tom to spill his drink on her. I thought about stopping him from doing it, but before I could react, someone grabbed my wrist and turned me away from them.  
It was some guy. I didn't even know him. I kept glancing over my shoulder trying to get a glimpse of what was going on behind me across the room.  
"Would you please dance with me?" He asked, before I could respond with a quick no he voiced his side of the scenario, "I know you don't know me, and I don't know you. My name's Mark, and I'd like to dance with you just once."  
"Um...I have to think. No." I said hatefully, and looked back over my shoulder.  
"Please? Why do you keep looking back there?"  
"I'm having neck spasms. I can't dance."  
"Please...just until the end of this song then."  
"Why?"  
"Because...I've seen you sitting alone for most of the night, you're the Princess, and I saw you dancing earlier...and..."  
"Fine." I said quickly, and I pulled him to the dance floor since he was still latched to my wrist. I positioned us so that I could see the certain far table and make it look like I was looking at him. I felt like the song would go on forever, and he pulled me closer to him. He didn't seem to notice that I wasn't looking at him at all.  
Louis went to Ren's table first, while Tom hung back with the drink. He started talking with them. I couldn't hear them of course, and I couldn't see very well. The song I was dancing too was beginning to fade, and I was glad, until I found Mark's face blocking my vision.  
"I wanna kiss you..." He whispered.  
I froze in my place, and stared at him. "Okay, you wanted to dance with me, and I agreed to it. That's all you get." I pushed his hands off of me, "Sorry. I don't know you, like you said, and I don't kiss people I don't know." 


	5. Chapter 5

_**Michelle-Note:** I think I gave up on the present tense thing._  
  
Weaving between people and tables, I tried to get to where I could see, and get away from Mark, who didn't amuse me or intrigue me enough to even look at him. Louis was discussing something with Ruby, and then Jason approached. He stood with his hands in his pockets, and his jacket under one arm, a few feet from the table. Everyone looked at him, except Louis who nodded to Tom.  
I looked toward Tom, who strutted forward, holding out his drink. He stumbled before he was even five feet away, and spilled the drink, but not on anyone at all, just the floor. I don't think that was what was supposed to happen. Everyone looked at him, and Ren was the first to get up and approach him. She helped him up, and said something to him, then I looked back at Louis, who was saying something as well. There was too much going on for me to properly absorb it.  
Everyone looked from Tom to Louis, and then Louis left, followed by Tom. Everyone then looked at Jason. As Louis passed by me, he grabbed my arm and took me away from my observation area.  
"It didn't work." He grumbled, "Tom tripped way before he was supposed to trip."  
"I'm sorry..." Tom apologized, "There was a balloon on the floor in my path of travel."  
"That's no excuse, Tom!" Louis yelled and let go of me.  
"Louis, I'm really sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you." Tom pleaded, he was extremely upset that Louis was unhappy with him.  
"Quiet, you two...let's go sit down." I walked back to our table, and they followed quietly and sat down on opposite sides from each other. Louis with his arms crossed, and Tom sulking. "So...what was going on over there?"  
"Ren's just upset about something...her and Jason got into a fight finally, after four years...and she was blaming me for her crappy love life."  
"She was upset and you were planning on having Tom spill something on her three-hundred dollar dress?" I asked, unamused.  
"No, I actually planned on Tom spilling it on Jason, and her dress wasn't three hundred dollars." He snapped.  
I sighed, and we sat there quietly. I could see nothing from where we were, but I noticed Jason storm out quickly. I was puzzled. Random other people had decided to take breaks from dancing and sit around. It was a good time to listen to girls gossip. I tuned into some at the table to my left upon hearing Ren's name.  
"Did you hear about Ren and her Jason?" It was one of the girls from when we were eating.  
"No, what now?"  
"They got into a fight. When I was dancing I heard them yelling."  
"What was it about?" Some other girl asked, curiously.  
"It was about sex. I knew that hot chunk of man couldn't take four years of no sex."  
"I was over there too, and I overheard them." Yet another girl stated, "Jason ran off, and said he needed some time to think. They didn't break up yet, surprisingly."  
"If they do break up," The first girl started, "Someone tell me cus I'll do Jason. I'd do him tonight if he wanted me to."  
"Not if I get to him first." Someone else said.  
I'd heard enough of that. The problem with my listening to others' conversations was that I often heard things that I didn't care to hear. I turned my attention to Louis, "What time is it?"  
"Going on 11." He said with no enthusiasm.  
Only a little over and hour left of this crap. They had started playing rap music, but I figured that they'd play slow songs at the end. Slow songs were depressing, and I was somewhat glad that Ren and Jason got into a fight because then I wouldn't be seeing them slow dancing together. I was tired of sitting already, and came up with a plan of my own in about two seconds, far different from Louis'.  
I took my shoes off, left the table, and padded quietly over to Ren who was now sitting just with Monique and Bobby. I stood back for a little while and waited for some kind of opening. Ren had taken her shoes off and put her feet in her chair, pulling her knees to her chest.  
"Ren?" I said, rather unsurely.  
She looked up, "Oh, hi Tawny."  
"Got a little time for me?"  
She smiled a little, "Of course."  
"I was wondering if you'd come dance with me."  
"Tawny, I...I dunno..." Her voice trailed off and her thoughts seemed distant.  
"I heard about you and Jason..."  
"Go on Ren, it'll get your mind off of things, and I'll be able to go dance with Bobby without being afraid to leave you alone." Monique said, eyeing Bobby, who appeared to be dozing off at this point.  
She took a deep breath, "I don't know if I really feel like it..."  
"Ren, you owe me for saving your life remember?"  
"And you want me to dance with you?" She seemed surprised, as I thought she would be.  
I nodded.  
"I guess...I could manage to dance with you for a little while." She got up and didn't bother to put her shoes on.  
I put my hand out, hoping she'd take it.  
She tilted her head and looked at it for a moment before slowly reaching out for it. She put her palm in mine and wrapped her fingers around my hand very softly like she was afraid to touch me. I smiled and did the same to hers, then lead her out to the dance floor, where I released her, though I didn't want to because I thought I may never get that chance again.  
At first she didn't seem too into the music and this somewhat made me a little less into it as well. I think she saw that I was having little fun with her being as glum as she was. She turned around and leaned her back up against me. I froze, unsure of what to do with her in such a position. She leaned her head back and looked at my face, "Give me your hands." I said nothing, and looked down to find her hands waiting for mine. She took them and placed them on her hips, "Just do what you feel like...pretend I'm a guy or whatever."  
If she knew what I felt like doing she wouldn't have wanted me to do it, and I didn't need to pretend she was a guy. She was still so totally clueless, and it saddened me, momentarily, but then she began to move herself up and down against me. I was glad she didn't know how I felt about her because if she did what she was doing would have been a really evil, heartless thing to do. I ran my hands up and down her thighs, and forced our bodies substantially closer. The song ended and she turned to face me.  
"Thanks..." I whispered, breathlessly, and wanting badly to be alone right then. I started to walk away without letting her speak  
She grabbed onto my hand and jerked me back, then looked down at me, "We're not done yet."  
"We're not?" I blinked.  
She shook her head, as another song started, and she began to dance on me as she had been doing Jason earlier. I carefully put my hands on her hips and brought our bodies together in sync with the pulsating music. I was overwhelmed with impulses and my breath was caught in my throat. I don't know how exactly I kept moving as the world swirled around me at a dizzying pace, but then it stopped suddenly as my eyes drifted beyond Ren and to someone standing behind her. I stopped dancing and let her go, reluctantly.  
"Why'd you stop?" She asked me, confused.  
I didn't say anything. I put my hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face Jason.  
"Ren...I'm sorry..." He said, looking down at his feet, unable to look her in the face, "I didn't mean to pressure you to do anything, but seriously, I have been doing everything your way for almost four years and I thought it was time that I get something I want for once."  
"I thought you were happy with just having me..."  
"I am, but-"  
"No. No, Jason, just leave me alone for a little while. I need to think about this." She said and walked around him.  
He turned as she passed and said, "I don't want us to break up, Ren."  
She didn't turn back or respond, and she walked out of the big double doors and toward the bathroom. I followed quickly, "Ren!" No response. She kept walking down the hall. "Ren!"  
"Tawny, no!" She yelled back, without turning.  
I stopped in my place, and stood there as she walked into the bathroom. I didn't know why I was following her anyway or what I planned to do. People walked past me in both directions, and I just stood in the middle of the hall. The carpet wasn't very soft, it felt more like Astroturf than carpet. Some nice soft carpet under my feet would have been comforting.  
"Tawny," I heard Twitty's voice, and turned to find him standing behind me. I said nothing. "Go after her."  
"Why? What good would it do?"  
"Don't be so fucking cynical, and go after her."  
"No." He used an awfully big word, and I wondered if he knew what it meant.  
"Tawny, it was you that made me do a lot of things that I never would have been able to do had you not told me to. It was always you telling me when I was wrong. Now it's my turn, and you're wrong by standing here." He started walking back before I could argue with him.  
He wanted me to take advantage of her in her damaged state. While she was confused, he wanted me to make some kind of move. Maybe he didn't. Maybe he just wanted me to do something instead of sitting around and waiting for something to happen to me. Some people looked at me as they passed by and I stared ahead of me, one of them was giggling and talking. I could tell it was the girl I had listened to two times previously. She was coming toward me and talking to some other girl.  
"Ren's scared of penises." She said and laughed as she neared me more.  
"Shut the fuck up." I said without much feeling.  
"What?" She asked, looking at me.  
"You, you're always talking about Ren. What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have such an insignificant life that you have to make fun of someone because they're a virgin?"  
"She's a penis-phobe , and just asking to be made fun of. She's so perfect and so afraid of a wang."  
"Penis-phobe isn't a word, and just because she doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean she's scared of dicks."  
"What is she then, a closet lesbian?"  
I laughed inside. I wished she was. "No, she's just not a slut."  
"Are you saying I'm a slut?"  
"Well...judging you from what you said earlier about how you would have sex with Jason tonight if he wanted you to...um...yeah, I think you are."  
"Ugh!" She searched for words, but found none, so she rolled her eyes, and stomped off with the other girl she had been walking with.  
I smiled, and a couple people laughed and clapped, as I proceeded toward the bathroom. I was getting clapped for a lot. It was making my ego quite large, larger than it already was. I still disliked most people though, no matter how much they clapped for me. I opened up the big wooden door once more, and found that this time, there were only a few people in the bathroom staring at themselves in the mirror, and none of them were Ren.  
Looking toward the stalls I noticed that several were closed, people actually using the bathroom in a bathroom was a fascinating thing to me. I ducked down and started searching for Ren's feet under the doors. I found her at the very end in the handicapped stall, sitting on the floor with her back against the wall. I pushed the door a little and it was locked, "Ren?" 


	6. Chapter 6

"Tawny, go away right now." Ren whimpered from behind the door. Her voice was nearly a whisper. "There's nothing you can do about this..."  
"How about not, I know, and you unlocking the door?"  
I continued to watch under the door as she shuffled around, and got up just enough to unlock it, then sat back in her place. I stood, and pushed it in only enough for me to squeeze in without mashing her behind it. I closed it, and relocked it, then for a few seconds I stood and looked down at her. She had again pulled her knees up to her chest, this time her face was buried in her arms, which rested on her legs, and she wasn't looking at me. I leaned back against the other side of the stall, across from her, and slid down to the base where I sat, and watched her.  
I was tired of just watching. I really was. I wanted to do things, and not just watch, not just talk. I wanted to do something. "Ren...I..."  
"You can't do anything to fix it and it won't be okay." She said forcefully, and without looking up.  
"I know I can't fix it and I know it's not okay."  
She peeked over her arms, "Why are you here then?"  
"Because..." I tried to think of what I wanted to say, and I moved over and sat next to her. I folded my legs and sat with them to the side, facing her. One of my knees was barely touching her thigh. "Because I..." I was actually having difficultly with my words, "I want you to be happy, and I figured that if you talked about you'd feel better...or something like that."  
She looked at me oddly, "What?"  
"Happy. I want you to be happy." I said more surely this time.  
"I don't know what that's like, Tawny..."  
Now, I looked at her oddly. Fake happiness, just as I thought. "What?"  
"Me, Ren, happy, it doesn't exist."  
"What're you talking about? You always seem happy..."  
"Seeming is a lot different than being. You seem like you hate everyone and everything sometimes, but you don't...not really."  
She wasn't really happy, all this time. Her happiness was fake, and it was hiding something more than just her being unhappy. It had to be. Why was she unhappy though? "What's going on with you and Jason?"  
"I don't know. I'm so...confused. I don't want to have sex with him...I knew he would want to one day, but...I don't know. Is it a bad thing that I don't want to?"  
I shook my head.  
"Tawny...I don't know what to do...I don't want us to break up. He's the only guy I've ever gone out with that...like...has lasted...that really seems to care, but I don't want to have sex with him..."  
I sighed, "I really don't know what to say...about anything..." I actually did know several things to say, but I couldn't say them, not now. "Just...that if...you love him and he loves you...you two, you won't break up just because you're not ready to have sex with him."  
"That's just it." She leaned her head back onto the wall and looked up.  
"What is?" I asked, placing my hand on one of her hands that was resting on her knee.  
"I don't know if I love him, and I don't understand why I don't want to have sex with him...I just...don't, but I don't want us to break up, and I don't know why I don't love him..."  
"If you don't love him then why go out with him?"  
"I don't know. Don't you get it? For once I'm confused, for once I don't know something. For once, Ren Stevens doesn't have an answer."  
I began to rub her hand with mine, and moved a little closer to her, so that my leg was touching hers a little more, "Ren...I wanna know something..."  
"What?"  
"I don't want it to seem like I'm off topic or anything, but...I wanna know why you try so hard to be the best at everything, why you act happy when you're not, and why you're so upset just because you don't know something? What're you hiding?"  
"Is this some part of your little...psychological thing where you try and figure out what goes on in peoples' heads or whatever?" She kind of glared at me, but had difficulty because she was crying.  
"How would you know about that? Is it obvious or something?" I was momentarily afraid that I was more obvious than I always thought, and that other people could know about me. My mind quickly went back to her though.  
"Well...no, but...I just...I know you're into that kind of thing."  
Could she possibly pay more attention to me than I knew? "No, I'm not doing it because of that. I want to know because...because...I want to know about you."  
"But why?"  
"Because...you interest me...Now would you please just answer my questions? I'm not going to tell everyone or anything like that."  
"Tawny...I know that...but..."  
"Please."  
"I don't think I was ever really happy, and I thought that being good at one thing would make me happy, but it didn't, so...I decided I wanted to be good at more things...and more things...but nothing made me really happy, or at least what I felt was really happy, and I have to act happy, so that no one knows and thinks I'm ungrateful for everything, and I don't like not knowing things, alright?"  
"Ren..."  
She sighed, and wiped her eyes with her hand that I wasn't holding onto, "I don't know what I want anymore...with anything..." She covered her eyes, "I'm confused about everything! That's what I'm hiding...that's the thing hiding behind everything. I'm confused...always, and not just right now. "  
"Have you ever loved anybody?" I asked her, and took her hand down from her face with my other free hand, and held it.  
"I don't know. I realized that I don't know anything...I might be the valedictorian, and president of everything at school, but I don't know anything...I never have...I've never known anything about anything that was important...that mattered..."  
I didn't know what to say. I had no sarcastic remark or philosophical words, nothing logical, or illogical, no nothing. I couldn't say anything had I even had anything to say. I sat up a little higher on my knees, and let go of one of her hands at the same time, giving me a free hand that I put on her cheek. Slowly, I moved my face closer to hers. Our lips touched, lightly at first, and she didn't push me away. Her grip on my hand tightened. I began to gently nibble her bottom lip, and I felt her other hand on my leg. She started to grasp at the fabric of my dress, but not very hard. I kept kissing her, praying for the moment to never end, and loving the way her warm lips felt against mine.  
I began to feel the tip of her tongue on my lips, but then I stopped, and I pulled myself away from her. Her eyes flicked back and forth, never stopping on me, and she pressed her lips together, and swallowed hard enough for me to notice it. I pulled my hands and my whole body away from her so that I wasn't touching her anymore at all. I looked down at the cream-colored tiles on the floor of the stall, "I don't think that helped with your confusion..."  
"Tawny, don't do that again...don't do anything with me again. Maybe...maybe you should never talk to me again..." Her voice cracked as she tried to say the last part.  
I turned my head to the side. I didn't want to look at her anymore. I knew this would happened. I'd ruined everything. All I could do was mumble, "I'm sorry..."  
She sighed, but it was more of a whimper, and she started to sniffle like she was crying again. I still didn't look at her. I couldn't bear to look at her. I'd never have her, not even as a friend now, and I didn't want to look at her. Instead I moved to the far side of the stall again and I sat there, in the corner, motionless, trying to fight back my own tears. I reached up with one arm and was about to unlock the door so I could leave, but then Ren spoke again in a near whisper, "You...you made me think have a chance...don't do it ever again..."  
"What?" I looked at her face. My vision was all blurry, but I was refusing to let any tears fall. I couldn't let her see that she hurt me. No one hurts me. Tawny doesn't get upset and cry.  
She was the opposite of me. Though I couldn't see well, I could see that her makeup had run down her face in streaks, "You..."  
"What are you talking about?" I said, more harshly than I had planned to in my head.  
"You're the reason I'm never really...happy..." She clutched her knees with her arms.  
Confused, I was, and again, I said, "What?"  
"I wanted your attention...I always have...I half gave up after a while, but...I kept trying to be the best at everything because it gave me at least a little satisfaction...but...all I ever really wanted was you...I wanted to be better friends with you...everything...I wished you would spend more time with me when you came over with Louis...or when we practiced with the band...I tried to make you jealous with Bobby, and everybody else, but you never seemed to notice me very much...I...I..."  
I cut her off, and I wanted to smile, but I couldn't. I don't know why. "All this time you liked me?" I wiped my eyes profusely with my palms, as the tears decided that they didn't want to go back in my eyes like I wanted them to, "Why...why didn't you say something?"  
"Why do you think? Louis and you...everything..."  
The flaw, I found it. I found what no one else could. Ren liked someone that she thought she shouldn't and thought she couldn't ever have. It's what confused her. I swallowed, and looked at her again. I was shaking in my corner of the stall from the mass of emotions I had pulsing through me. I didn't know how I should act, or what emotion to show. I always had problems with my own emotions, "I...I..." I stuttered, I couldn't seem to make my words come out, "I came over all the time just to see you...but...I thought you...and...and...oh my God...I never knew...I don't really know anything either..."  
Ren put her hand on her forehead and held her loose hair back from her damp face, "All these years...I...I never thought you could like someone like me..."  
"But I always did...I stayed friends with Louis so that I wouldn't lose you..."  
"Why are we just not finding this out...in...in a bathroom stall of all places...and at prom?" She sobbed, and laid her head back down on her knees. 


	7. Chapter 7

I leaned my head back and rested it on the side of the stall behind me. The tears dripped down the sides of my face, and I didn't know why. I felt like I shouldn't be crying right now, and that I should be happy because this is what I wanted. I didn't want it in a bathroom stall at prom, but it was what I wanted still nonetheless. "Ren...I love you."  
"This is too hard...it's always been too hard..."  
I banged my head on the wall, for no reason, other than frustration with what was going on, "What are you talking about now? You're not making sense again..."  
"Don't do that to your head...I...I could never tell you because it was too hard...and...I dated guys because...I was trying to find someone to make me stop liking you...because liking you was too hard...for me..."  
"I don't understand." I lied, knowing exactly what she was getting at, and it was far worse than flat out rejection.  
"You and me...we'd never work..." Her voice was muffled because her head was down still.  
I wiped my eyes again. I wanted out of the stall, and away from her. "Ren...why wouldn't we?"  
"Because..." She paused and there was silence for that moment, a disgusting, hateful, mocking silence, "Because I can't do it. There are a few things I can't do...and this is one of them like...the flag corps in middle school, and riding a bike...but people forget about those after a few years. I'm straight, Tawny. I always have been...people would-"  
"Don't fucking tell me about what people would do. If all you care about is what people think about you, then you're not worth it...and...and I wasted my time..." I was hard for me to say that part, but the part I was about to say would be harder and I knew it. I didn't want to say it, not really, and I didn't mean it, but I said it anyway. At that moment I wanted to hurt her, I wanted her to feel bad, and I wanted her to be sorry for being shallow. She was shallow like almost everyone else, and it made me want to hate her, but I couldn't ever hate her. "Ren, I...I wish I'd never met you." I got up and unlocked the door. I figured this would happen. I really did. If for some reason she did like me, I knew she wouldn't be willing to act on it because of the other people. Damn the other people. If it weren't for other people, things would work out once in a while.  
She didn't try to say anything to stop me from leaving, and I don't even think she moved. Of course she wouldn't come after me because she had to maintain her reputation, and her reputation didn't include running after the weird girl that seldom wore colors and went out with her little brother.  
I glanced in the mirror, the bathroom was empty again. My eyeliner had left black tear streaks down my face from me crying. I stopped at a sink and washed them off, then stared at myself. My eyes were red. I had broken down and cried in front of someone, which I never did, and I got nothing for it. Crying was so worthless.  
Taking a deep breath, I told myself to go back to Louis and be more cynical and sarcastic than ever. Screw my watching of people all the way up the ass. I had watched Ren closely for years and years, and never had a clue that she liked me. I thought I had her figured out, and I didn't. I knew she had a secret, but I never thought it had anything to do with me. She never slipped up, not even once. There was never a hint that she liked me. There was never even a hint that she cared to be my friend any more than she already was.  
I looked myself over once more, and put on a nice "I could care less" expression to hide how overwhelmingly angry and sad I was inside. Anger and sadness go together, almost always. I was sad because I was angry and sad that Ren was shallow. I was angry because she was shallow, and angry for all of my wasted time. I wish she didn't like me. It would be so much easier if she didn't like me at all. Maybe that was what I wanted, her to not like me. Maybe I was only just wanted her because I could never have her. I still couldn't have her. Nothing was making sense anymore. I don't know anything. I'd never been this angry before in my life. It just figures that she would like me back, but wouldn't want to do anything about it. Life sucks. Shit doesn't work out for the better. I clinched my fists, and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I went back out to be "social", to be like she wanted me to be.  
"Tawny are you still in here?" Ren asked softly from the stall.  
I ignored her, and I walked out. I went straight back for the ballroom, and looked at no one. It was dark, and they were still playing rap, which started doing a number on my head when I stepped back in the midst of the people that were gathered at the doors. I went back over to my table and sat.  
Louis had found someone to dance with just like I thought he would, but I didn't feel like taking the time to figure out who it was. I saw Jason sitting at a table completely alone, just like myself. He looked toward me, knowing that I had followed Ren. I acted like I didn't see him, and began to scratch at my purse with my nails. Tom was nowhere around, and I didn't see Twitty or Allison.  
I wasn't going to feel sorry for myself. I was better than that. I felt sorry for Jason because she didn't really love him. Fucking stupid people. Everyone. All people. I can't believe that people have ever questioned my spite for most people, and everything in general. If people were more accepting then Ren wouldn't have to worry about what they would think. If...always if....what if...if only...  
"Hey Tawny."  
I looked up. It was Louis. He was leaning on the table with one arm.  
"I found a girl to dance with just like you said."  
"Yay."  
"Aren't you gonna say 'I told you so' or something?" He asked, a little surprised.  
"I think what I said was good enough."  
"Who got your underwear in a bunch?"  
I rolled my eyes, "My underwear are always in a bunch."  
"Tawny, get out there and dance, it'll cheer you up."  
"I don't want to be cheered up."  
He ran his hand through his hair. It was curly so it didn't work out very well. "C'mon Tawny. You know you wanna!"  
"No, actually I want to break things...glass things, and then leave them on the dance floor for all the fucking morons to step on."  
Louis blinked, and looked at me somewhat worried, "Wanna dance with me?"  
"No. We're over. We had our little thing a few times, and I'm through. I don't like you like that." I felt like I was becoming redundant for saying that, but his head was thick.  
"Um...well...maybe I should move all the glass stuff away from you then..."  
"Maybe." I snapped.  
Twitty came and sat down by Louis, grinning like a maniac, and thus distracting the both of us. "Did you go and talk to her?" He asked me, then turned to Louis before I could think of a sarcastic response to his terrible question, "Dude, this is so fun! I love being with Allison! She's so great! She went to get us some drinks. We needed a break before we slow dance again."  
"Alright. I found a girl for me too. She's over there with her friends." He pointed to another table.  
"Sweet!" They high-fived, while I watched on. Twitty then turned back to me, "So, Tawny, how'd it go?" He was still smiling.  
"It went great Twitty because things have a way of working out for me."  
"Oh cool. So where is she?" He looked around.  
I rolled my eyes again. He was such an idiot sometimes, so stupid and oblivious. I wish I were like that once in a while. Maybe he was like that because he didn't want to see the truth about anything. I wondered about him.  
"Man, I'm sorry..." He realized that it, indeed, did not work out. He wasn't completely stupid.  
Why did I take everything out on everyone? People that didn't deserve it? I put a damper on everyone around me. I'd ruined Twitty's bliss. God, I felt bad now. Worse than I had when I got here. I not only hurt people that liked me, I hurt everyone. I put my forehead down on the table, and just sat there with my eyes open, staring at the white tablecloth, hoping not to cry. I couldn't let anyone see that I could be hurt by some stupid crush. People would know that I could be broken just like everyone else. I could never be like everyone else.  
"Oh...there she is...just walked in..." Twitty stated.  
"You sure that you don't want me to play some hateful prank on her?" Louis asked.  
He was only trying to make me feel better. I shook my head. I couldn't let Ren see that she hurt me. I didn't want her pity. I didn't want anyone's fucking pity. I sat up, and glared, trying to act normal. The perfect girl had a bigger flaw than I thought; she was shallow, so fucking shallow. That wasn't the flaw I was looking for. I was glad I found it though. Now I could give up, and have a reason to.  
I watched her. She sat down by Jason, and he held her hands as she talked. I glanced to the glass thing surrounding the candle in the middle of the table. I wanted to throw it against the wall and watch it shatter. I wanted to see all the sharp little pieces sparkle to the ground. It would be nice to make something physical shatter. I figured it would make me feel better to make something shatter and distract me from my shattered life.  
If I could break down Ren's wall, the wall that made her shallow, everything would be okay. I wished I could break it, and make her not care what people thought, and make her care about being happy. Isn't that what's important? She's going off to college and never going to see most of these people again, why does she care what they think? If I could stop making stupid wishes, if I could kill all the stupid people, if I could have said something to her sooner. I always regret everything and wish I could do things that I know I can't.  
Stupid me, always stupid me. I was always so pessimistic on the outside, but on the inside I was hopeful. Too hopeful. I don't know anything anymore. I don't know what I want, or what I wanted. I don't know what I saw in Ren, or in Louis. They could both make me smile, really smile.  
I looked back at Ren, who was still talking to Jason, both of them looking rather upset. I was glad I couldn't hear them, for once. My empty glass was still on the table from earlier. I grabbed it, and held it tightly in both of my hands. I wanted to break it, then play with the pieces myself, instead of hurt other people with them. 


	8. Chapter 8

_**Michelle-Note:** Ok...the song at the end of this is a little known B-side of a song that no one's probably ever heard, and the chances of it being played at any prom anywhere in the world is like...none, but...I can do what I want, and I thought it was appropriate, so pretend, ok? PRETEND!_  
  
"Twitty, get that glass away from her." Louis commanded, and my glass was taken away from me. I guess he really thought I would hurt people. I couldn't hurt people. I was all talk. He should know that. I wasn't very harmless to him, but I didn't physically hurt him. I would never physically hurt anyone.  
"Alright, everybody listen up." The DJ said, "We're gonna play some slow songs until it's time to go, so get with that special someone."  
"That's my cue." Louis said, getting up.  
"Me and Allison are gonna sit it out for the first song." Twitty told him.  
"Alright." He went off to join his girl, whoever she was. She met him halfway. Then they vanished into the people  
Allison arrived with a drink for her and Twitty, and sat on his lap. They giggled, and I remained as I was. I didn't expect them to talk to me, or offer me a drink or anything. They were in their own little world when they were together. I wished that I had someone to be in a little world with, separate from everyone else. Louis and I never had that, but he and Twitty did. I wouldn't surprise me if he were in love with his best friend all that time. The song started to play. I blocked it out. It was some stupid love song. Love is stupid. You can't love certain people openly without other people thinking there's something wrong with you and make dumb ass comments. What was the point of even loving?  
"Ugh..." I groaned out loud, unintentionally, and put my head back on the table. I was giving myself a migraine. I was thinking such stupid random things.  
"Tawny?" Allison said, sounding a little concerned.  
"Uh huh." I acknowledge that I heard her, but didn't make an effort to look at her. I didn't feel like moving. I wanted to be a statue or something. Never having to move, or think, or worry about anything. Then someone could physically break me into pieces.  
"Are you okay?"  
"Don't bother her, honey..." Twitty whispered. I could still hear him.  
"Oh..." Her voice trailed off, "I'm sorry."  
She was nice, she was always nice. I couldn't even manage to be mean to her at all. I would look at her funny once in a while, and that was it. I couldn't be mean to Ren either. Why'd I have to think about her so much? I wanted to go to sleep, and make the night end a little faster, and momentarily forget about how screwed up life is, in general.  
"Oh shit...Tawny...she's coming over here-" Twitty said forcefully, but quietly, stopping abruptly.  
"Who..." I sat up, and saw Ren standing on the opposite side of the table. I should have known that was who he was talking about.  
"Hi, Ren..." He sputtered, "Allison and me...err...I and Allison...err...um...us...we were just going to go dance, right Allison?"  
"Oh...um. Yes, yes we were." She said, sitting her drink down and hopping off of him. They scurried away leaving me alone with her. Twitty shot back a concerned glace, before vanishing into the people just as Louis had done.  
"Tawny..." She stood up, and rubbed her hands together in front of her nervously. She had cleaned herself up and fixed her makeup.  
I just glared at her, while trying not to cry.  
"I...I...uh...broke up with Jason."  
I said nothing. I glanced back to where he had been sitting. He was gone.  
"I came over here...to tell you..."  
I shook my head, and snapped, "Why?"  
"Let me finish."  
I rolled my eyes, "Yeah. Sure. Go right ahead. Make me cry. Unlike you, I don't care what people think about me."  
"Tawny, I love you." She blurted out.  
"What?"  
"I love you." She repeated. A few people looked at her, and she continued to stand there.  
"But..." I thought she must be talking to someone else, or I was hallucinating.  
"Tawny, I love you."  
What do I do now? I just sat. I couldn't think of anything else, and had no idea what I should say.  
She sighed, "Say something, and don't say it's too late, or that you changed your mind..."  
"I...uh...What am I supposed to say?"  
She shrugged, "Look...I don't know."  
I smiled, "You just didn't know something again."  
"I know that." She laughed a little, "Um...wanna dance?"  
"Err..." I started to get up, unsurely, wondering if this was some good deed to clear her conscience or something. I just couldn't seem to trust anyone, and believe their motives were good, could I? In reality most peoples' actually aren't, or so it seemed to me. I remained standing on my side of the table, and made no effort to go to her.  
"Come on." She commanded.  
I stayed in my place and looked at her, "Ren, you're not like doing this...for...um..."  
She moaned, and walked over to me, and remained a few feet away. "I'm sorry. Do you want me to beg for forgiveness?"  
I raised an eyebrow. I was starting to feel better. "Now that you mention it...yes. Grovel, now."  
"You don't actually expect me to do that, do you?" She reached out and took my hand.  
I looked down, at our hands, then looked back up at her, "You're holding my hand, and there are people around to see it."  
"Tawny, I don't care." She laced our fingers, "Now...before this damned social gathering is over, I want you to come dance with me."  
"Are you asking me to dance with you?" I couldn't help but smile.  
"No, I'm telling you too." She tugged on my arm, gently. I shook my shoes off and kicked them under the table.  
I pointed to her, "You...wanna dance with...me...in front of all these people?"  
"Why're you being difficult?!" She drug me out to the dance floor. Slowly, she slipped her hand away from mine, and moved them to my hips.  
Carefully, and still grinning like a giddy maniac, I reached up and rested my arms on her shoulders. She nudged me closer to her, then kissed me. She kissed me in front of everyone. I couldn't open my eyes to see if there was anyone looking at us oddly, and I wouldn't have care if there had been. I put my hands into the sides of her neck and deepened the kiss. I did it. I had broken down the wall, the great barrier.  
When the kiss was finally broken by my need for air, she pressed her forehead against mine and I stared into her eyes. Another song started to play, and we stood in the midst of the people, not dancing, not doing anything, just looking into one another's eyes. The song was "Breaking Glass" by Geri Halliwell, and I wondered why on earth they were playing it at prom. It wasn't even a very slow song, and I doubted that anyone there had ever heard it. I also doubted that anyone was paying much attention or cared. I held onto Ren, and listened to the lyrics. How appropriate they were for the moment, and for the night.  
  
_ Someone told me  
You're never gonna win  
Fool's paradise is  
Where I've always been  
So I told myself  
I've got a heart of stone  
Not that strong I said  
Can't do it all alone  
  
Tell me your dreams  
And I'll tell you what they mean  
Cus we live, we love, we learn  
  
You can't touch me  
And you can't hold me  
Loving me through your window pane  
But I can reach you  
I can see you  
Trying to hide your love away  
We can be breaking glass together  
  
Someone told me  
You gotta let it go  
A little weakness is  
Strength don't you know  
So I tell myself  
Feelin' it today  
I won't lose  
To the pain of yesterday  
  
Tell me your dreams  
And I'll tell you what they mean  
Cus we live, we love, we learn  
  
You can't touch me  
And you can't hold me  
Loving me through your window pane  
But I can reach you  
I can see you  
Trying to hide your love away  
We can be breaking glass together  
Together, together  
  
I love the sound of breaking glass  
I love the sound of breaking glass  
I love the sound of breaking glass  
Of breaking glass  
  
You can't touch me  
You can't hold me  
I can reach you  
I can see you_


End file.
